1001 Reasons Why My Self-Help Book Will Never be Published

Last night I couldn’t sleep and started re-reading a book that has been very influential in my making as a therapist and a person. The book is called INTIMACY, CHANGE, AND OTHER THERAPEUTIC MYSTERIES” By David Treadway.

This book cost me $30. No lie. Now that may seem normal to you but to someone who buys her books at the local used book store (or just reads them at the bookstore café) that is a LOT of money to spend on a book. So why did I buy it? Because I bought HIM. As a human being. Because he inspired me and God knows that’s rare. Of all the conferences I have attended over the years, all the wonderfully accomplished PhDs and Doctors and writers and therapists, he is the only one I really remember. Let me repeat that. The only one. Why? What was so special about him? At first I thought I was touched by the fact that he was battling cancer and secretly felt sorry for him, or maybe it was the fact that he says things like “you’re not God” and “Blood is thicker than therapy” or “I wonder if my father is proud of me”.

But last night I figured out why he stood out for me. In a world where “The Secret” has sold millions of copies (no offense to all you “secret” lovers) and where people get their daily advice from Maury Povich and Dr. Phil, I was craving authenticity and genuineness.

It’s the same reason why Kurt Vonnegut’s “A Man Without a Country” did more for me than 6 months of expensive therapy (don’t ask why).

We thirst for authenticity in a world of self-help, prescription-filled, cult-like, zombie-looking coma worth $12 billion and counting. Or maybe I’m the only one who does.

But don’t fret my friends! I, like all of you desire to be famous, rich and popular and I have decided to join the self-help industry by writing a book. I just need some help with the title. Here are some of the contenders:

Give Me Your Hard Earned Money and I’ll Give You Crap

If You Don’t Pee Now, You’ll Hate Yourself Later.

Do You Recognize the 10 Early Warning Signs of Stupidity?

See How Easily You Can Make Phony Friends Online.

You Don’t Have to Be Helpful to be a Self-Help Mogul.

Moronic Ways to Waste Time

If You’re Bored, You Can Tweet While Consuming a Large Meal

Who Else Wants Bacon?

The Secret of Bacon.

Here is a Method That is Helping Shady People get Famous

Little Known Ways to Ruin Your Life

Get Rid of Your Rotting Brain Problem Once and For All

27 Secrets to Looking Like Dr. Phil

It’s Time to Break Up With Your Baby Daddy’s Son Mamma

What Everybody Ought to Know About Bi-Winning

Build a Scheme You Can Be Proud Of

How to Say What Everybody Knows in 100 Different Ways

3 thoughts on “1001 Reasons Why My Self-Help Book Will Never be Published

  1. Elvita, I love this post. Can’t believe I missed it before. The search for authenticity is so important in this day and age. Odd reference, but I am thinking of Tyler Durden the main character in Fight Club, who starts out the movie by stating, “We’re the middle children of the history man, no purpose or place, we have no Great war, no Great depression, our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives, we’ve been all raised by television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won’t and we’re slowly learning that fact. and we’re very very pissed off.” Now, I don’t condone taking this to violent means, or to delusional/paranoid/psychotic ones either, but that search for authenticity in a mostly plastic world becomes ever so meaningful and worth the struggle.

  2. “Our great depression is our lives” I can relate to that. Ironically, this post was born after I did some research on blog titles that are more likely to catch one’s eye and show up on Google searches. The information I came across overwhelmed me, not in a good way. It made me think about why I was doing the search in the first place. To get noticed, to drive traffic to my site? Sure. Numbers count right. Sometimes I think numbers are the only thing that really counts at the end of the day. But do they really? And then it occurred to me. I had been so focused on my blog becoming popular I had forgotten why I started it in the first place. I knew it was time to go back to basics. And not take myself so seriously in the process. The thing is, there is no way for me to become popular, rich and famous. At least not without sacrificing who I am. And I know I’m not the only one. It reminds me of Moneyball. Great film, by the way.
    Sure enough, this post got the least amount of hits. But it couldn’t be more true to who I am. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. That struggle you speak of is not only worth it, it saves my life. Everyday.
    Thank you for reading.

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