How To Mend A Broken Heart

Have you ever had a broken heart? It feels horrible, doesn't it? It's like an actual physical pain, right in the middle of your chest. Like someone punched a hole there. With anger. Because they really meant to leave a bruise. And you are left wondering what you did to deserve it... I have been … Continue reading How To Mend A Broken Heart

10 Relationship Skills I Wish I Was Taught.

No one teaches us relationship skills. We are just supposed to meet someone, like them, be attracted to them, fall in love. The rest is supposed to work itself out. It's not that relationships don't work out. It's whether or not we do. Here are 10 relationship skills I want all couples to know. Relationship … Continue reading 10 Relationship Skills I Wish I Was Taught.

The Reason Your Loving Relationship Is Sexless

"I love her very much, we have a lot of fun. But the sex is gone" "I'm not attracted to him anymore."¬† "It's like the more someone rejects me, the more I want them. This guy likes me very much and he's very sweet but the desire is just not there because I know he … Continue reading The Reason Your Loving Relationship Is Sexless

How To Be Happy Alone

When everything around you seems to spin, how can you possibly hold your ground? It turns out, David Schnarch was right on when he concluded that the four points of balance in a relationship come down to this: holding on to yourself. But aren't we supposed to seek out our object of attachment, our partners … Continue reading How To Be Happy Alone

The Secret to Desire

So, why does good sex so often fade, even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever? And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex, contrary to popular belief? Or, the next question would be, can we want what we already have? That's the million-dollar question, right? And why is the forbidden so erotic? What is it about … Continue reading The Secret to Desire

Trains

There is a lot of talk around self-control especially in the field of addictions and emotion regulation (those go together for some reason). The story sounds a little like this. "I know this is a bad decision, I logically know this will crash and burn but I can't help myself. I'm on a freight train … Continue reading Trains

Sexual Immaturity in Marriage

Often marital problems revolve around sexual immaturity. Last week, I went through a training on The Sexual Experience and Behavior Inventory (SEABI) with Dr. Lisa Terrell at the Sensovi Institute here in Charlotte. Part of the problem with immature marriages is that no one talks about sex. Here's a typical scenario (not a real one, … Continue reading Sexual Immaturity in Marriage

An Underdeveloped Idea of Marriage

I'm always amazed at how immature people are in their beliefs and expectations about relationships and marriage. As my client called it once "an underdeveloped" idea of marriage, could be the reason why so many marriages suffer and/or end up in divorce. Here are some of the misconceptions about relationships that eventually lead to distress. … Continue reading An Underdeveloped Idea of Marriage

Will You Be There?

What makes love last? How do you establish trust in a relationship? John Gottman says by being there. Will you be there for me when I'm sick or struggling, when I'm down and hurting?  Will you be there for me when I'm unpleasant, difficult, crazy, absent? Can I rely on you? These are important questions … Continue reading Will You Be There?

10 Rules of Sucessful Relationships

I read an article the other day on things women should know by the time they are 30 and it got me thinking. Granted, the article seemed to have been written for straight, middle-class, dare I say smug? Glamor magazine audience. Also, is there is a reason no such list exists for men??? But I … Continue reading 10 Rules of Sucessful Relationships

Let’s Talk About Sex.

We don't talk about sex. Not freely anyway. We were taught as kids that sex is taboo, prohibited, sometimes dirty and bad. "Good" girls are often not supposed to enjoy sex. If they do they are "bad" girls. Men identify with their penises, their size, performance, endurance, and so on. The penis is not just … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Sex.

How To Approach Realtionships Like a Job Interview.

I'm back in therapy. After 4 years of doing relatively well, I felt I had come to a point where I needed to explore some patterns that keep creeping up in my life. Patterns are telling. Pay attention to them. They are desperately trying to tell you something about yourself. My therapist¬†gave me an assignment. … Continue reading How To Approach Realtionships Like a Job Interview.